I can’t stand the commercials for Apple’s Facetime program. But, it isn’t the cloying, saccharine sentimentality behind the campaign that gets me. No, what I despise is the suggestion that the most important moments in life can (should?) be communicated via a damn cellphone.
To wit, the expecting mother didn’t want to wait to tell the expecting father in person about “that thing we’ve been working on”. Are they robots? Incapable of understanding the deep psychological importance of face-to-face interaction? Did he propose to her via text-message? Did they Skype their wedding vows? Shit, when that kid is born, I bet Dad will stay home, secure in the knowledge that, for all of life’s important moments, the iPhone will be there. Want to cut the umbilical cord? There’s an app for that…
Let’s assume that the iPhone advertising team is not trying to sell Facetime as a replacement for physical human interaction. I can only see a limited number of possibilities for this young couple’s behavior:
- One of them is far away from home and will not return for at least a few weeks (plausible, but now I’ve got to come up with a back-story…for example: One of the two is currently serving 7 to 10 in a medium security correctional facility for deviant sexual acts involving mobile technology),
- The expecting mother has contracted a filovirus similar to Ebola, and is quarantined,
- The man is actually a meth addict hallucinating this woman on the screen of a stolen iPhone,
- These are the avatars of the iPhones themselves. That’s right, the female iPhone is letting the male iPhone know that a little Nano is on the way,
- They are simply annoying, materialistic yuppies with no appreciation for the what little shred of humanity is left in their cold, cold hearts.